World Cup Punditry: With Robert Green's Shattered Mental State

For awhile now we've gone on and one about how this site isn't about game previews, reviews, punditry, or analysis, but this opportunity was just too good to be true. We're unabashed supporters of the game and how to grow it through beer, but certainly not your run-of-the-mill news and views site. However, we're making a special exception because we were able to land a great guest to be able to fill the gap that we normally are too drunk or too lazy to do ourselves.

Today we're taking World Cup questions with a very high profile figure. He'll answer your questions and provide some great perspective on the game in a way only he can.

Ladies and gentlemen (although we suspect mostly gentlemen), please welcome Robert Green's Shattered Mental State. He will now take your submitted questions.

Dear Robert Green's Shattered Mental State,

One of the biggest surprises this World Cup is the high-flying start of Germany. Before the Cup there were a lot of questions of how Coach Joachim Loew would meld his young stars with the veterans. Are those questions gone after such a performance against Australia? Do they have to be counted as contenders now?

Tommy Erickson, Newark, New Jersey

Tommy,

I had it. It was right there in my hand. Dempsey shot it from like 40 yards out. A wish. A hope. I moved to my right to gather it. It was there. And then.... it wasn't. Everything moved in slow motion after that. I looked and it seemed so close. Like I could reach out and grab it again. But... nothing. It trickled away.....

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Dear Robert Green's Shattered Mental State,

Ghana was able to land a historic win against Serbia on Sunday. What a performance! And with out their star Michael Essien none-the-less. Are the Black Stars the early surprise team of the tournament? Will they make it out of the group?

Eric Vanderbeek, Champagne, Illinois

Dear Eric,

It trickled away.... like my international career. No. Capello will still start me against Algeria. He knows my track record. This is just an aberration. I had a great club season with West Ham. I mean I single-handedly kept them in the Premier League. That goal was a fluke.

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Dear Robert Green's Shattered Mental State,

With the exception of Germany, European teams have looked shaky in this World Cup. Is this going to be another tournament where those teams struggle away from their own continent?

Maggie Mae, New Orleans, Louisiana

Dear Maggie,

I mean who is Fabio going to go with? David James? Ha! This guy's nickname is "Calamity James". He's got more howlers than a Costa Rican jungle. Joe Hart? Listen... "Blondie" might be the future of England, but I'm the "now" of England. Right? Right?

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Dear Robert Green's Shattered Mental State,

Maradona in a suit and a tie! Messi and Argentina looked very dangerous even if it was only a 1-0 win over Nigeria. Has "Mr. Chupacabra" finally put the pieces of Argentina together?

Jose Garcia, Buenos Aries, Argentina

Jose -

It could've happened to anyone. I mean the very next day Algeria's Faouzi Chaouchi let a ball skip past him. It happens to the best of us. THE BEST OF ENGLAND. 'Cause that's what I am. I am!

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Dear Robert Green's Shattered Mental State,

I mean... What. The. fuck? How could you let that goal in? It was RIGHT THERE! I'll be waiting outside your house for you to come home from the World Cup, Robbie.

Your Biggest Fan,

Leonard Bellingham, Wolverhampton, England

Dear Leonard,

I'm sorry you feel that way. I tried. I really did. It must be that new ball. No. Take responsibility. I'm 30, man, and you have hardships in life and prepare for them. I'm strong enough to move on. At a younger point in my life it would have affected me more.

OK. I lied. I can't handle this. This IS affecting me. The newspapers, the cameras, the Internet.... the pressure!

(Sobbing uncontrollably).

Please no more questions!

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Ummm.... ha ha! Thanks to Robert Green for taking the time out of his busy schedule to answer a few fan questions.

Until next time.

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