Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The Tuesday 10: Small Screen Edition



By "The Other 87 Minutes" / Senior Unemployed English Major Correspondents  


With Clarence…sorry, Clay Goodson appearing on House Hunters International late last year and Kyle Martino doing a stint this past Sunday on Cupcake Wars, soccer would seem to be having its moment in the sun…if you consider the wellspring and reason behind all life on earth to be hyper-specialized, reality-ish TV programs. We came up with ten more shows that could benefit from a soccer theme.


Probably not actually the Cupcakes War cupcakes.
1. The Mole – This one probably won’t take off when the Nats figure out the person sabotaging them from the inside is Edgar Castillo during the first episode.
2. Pawn Stars – When a young German comes into the shop with what he claims to be the headband Abby Wambach was wearing when she scored against Brazil, the crew brings in Nike reps, DNA testers, and finally the main woman herself to determine its authenticity.
3. Mythbusters – Can they build a kicking robot that can replicate a Roberto Carlos or a Beckham free kick? How much tainted chicken do you have to eat before you fail a drug test?
4. Project Runway – MLS and WPS stars appear to ask designers to work out functional and fashion-forward kits. Expect lots of griping about Rave Green.
5. The Real Housewives of Madrid – Get it? Get it? Re-al? No? Moving on.
6. Top Shot – Kasey Keller makes a guest appearance in a special sports-themed episode of the marksmanship competition. Contestants put down the firearms, bows, and tomahawks to compete in a different kind of shoot-out, one with penalty kicks.
7. Top Chef – Chef-testants have to prep a German-Mexican-American-themed post-practice meal for guest judge and noted Chik-Fil-A enthusiast Brek Shea and his U.S. national teammates.
8. Top Gear – Ohh wait, they did this one already.

9. What Not To Wear – The wife says they’d put Bob Bradley on, because he dresses like a sixteen-year-old going to the gym. “Look at Pep!” she says. (The wife kind of has a thing for Pep.)
10. Celebrity Rap Battle – Yes, this was a thing. Deuce vs. C.J. Sapong. Done.
About "The Other 87 Minutes"

What is this new site we're exposing you too? We'll let them explain:

The Other 87 seeks to provide something that’s not instant analysis or eve of matchday previews. Think of us as the good bits of your favorite soccer coverage: the profiles that examine what makes a certain player tick, the historical background that sheds some light on how the sport has evolved to the present day, the silly features that are more than just tacking names on a list, but considering and explaining why each one deserves to be there.
O87 wants to be a home for soccer writing that makes you think, but that also treats the game as just that, a game. The greatest game, the one we obsess over and fixate on, to the point where we can’t read that gas costs 3.43 a gallon without thinking of Ajax’s 1995 Champions League winning team. But a game nonetheless.
“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players – the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards – will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players – defenders – probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” –Johann Cruyff

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1 comment:

  1. Loving the Mythbusters one with the tainted chicken!

    ReplyDelete

"Anyone who tells me soccer is boring, I'm going to punch them in the face."
- Former Dallas Burn (aka FC Dallas) coach Dave Dir

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