Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Tuesday XI: Real Canadian Heroes



Editor's Note: We continue a great new feature on the Free Beer Movement site. In collaboration with the quality soccer site, "The Other 87 Minutes" we present the "Tuesday XI" (and sometimes the "Tuesday Ten") a thoughtful list on a variety of topics in the world of soccer.

Make sure you head over to "The Other 87 Minutes" and check out all the... well... other great writing on their site. What do you think of the "Tuesday XI"? Let us know in the comments section!

We had started playing around with this lineup a few weeks ago, shortly after we did the Real American Heroes. But given last weekend's introduction of Toronto FC in Kansas City (the video of which, sadly, seems to have been removed, but the picture above should give you a good idea) we figured it was the perfect time to trot it out.


Wayne Gretzky – GK — Everyone knows the goalie is the most important member of a team in hockey, so why wouldn’t we get the greatest hockey player ever to be our goalie?

Bob McKenzie – LB — The Canadian Fabio da Silva.

Dudley Do-Right – CB — Something of an old-fashioned, lumbering center half, his occasional antics are forgiven when he saves the day at the last possible second.

Johnny Canuck – CB — Fearless pilot/secret agent and tireless defender of Canada. His basic competence makes him the ideal partner for Do-Right.

Doug McKenzie – RB — The Canadian John O’Shea.

Tommy Douglas – LM — “Who?” you no doubt say (Unless you really are Canadian, in which case, our apologies for the entire list). To which we reply, “We have no idea, but he’s apparently the Greatest Canadian, according to the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation."

No, just kidding. Douglas, a former premier of Saskatchewan, introduced single-payer health care to Canada. Given his history of expanding service to all Canadians, Douglas would make a perfect touchline hugging, cross-delivering wide midfielder.

The author and Trebek 15 seconds after he threatened to punch him.
He was kidding, we think.
Wolverine – CM — This punishing central midfielder has never missed a game for club or country, ever, since his debut as an 18-year-old in 1900.

Alex Trebek – CM — Possesses insightful passing, but is also surprisingly hardy in defense. Playmakers wary of his partner’s aggression may underestimate just how impressive the diminutive quiz show master is in the tackle. Believe me when I say that Mr. Trebek doesn’t take shit from anyone, especially when you refer to him as diminutive.

Scott Pilgrim – RM — Less of a support player than Douglas, Pilgrim can get lost in the game sometimes, but is a devastating attacker when he snaps back into focus.

Billy Bishop: Badass
Alexander Graham Bell – CAM — Has a knack for establishing connections with the rest of the team, and making the most of them. And yes, he was born in Scotland, but Canada claims him.

Billy Bishop – CF — Fact: All World War I flying aces were tremendous badasses. Air Marshal Bishop scored 72 kills in Europe, which makes him either third or fourth all-time World War I ace, depending on how much stake you put in Mick Mannock’s biographers. At any rate, for his agility, adaptability, ability in the air, and his tremendous shot, Bishop is our forward.


About "The Other 87 Minutes"

What is this new site we're exposing you too? We'll let them explain:
The Other 87 seeks to provide something that’s not instant analysis or eve of matchday previews. Think of us as the good bits of your favorite soccer coverage: the profiles that examine what makes a certain player tick, the historical background that sheds some light on how the sport has evolved to the present day, the silly features that are more than just tacking names on a list, but considering and explaining why each one deserves to be there.
O87 wants to be a home for soccer writing that makes you think, but that also treats the game as just that, a game. The greatest game, the one we obsess over and fixate on, to the point where we can’t read that gas costs 3.43 a gallon without thinking of Ajax’s 1995 Champions League winning team. But a game nonetheless.
“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players – the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards – will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players – defenders – probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” –Johann Cruyff

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