As you know by now, everyone's favorite Russian billionaire decided to celebrate the reelection of his good buddy Vladimir Putin by setting off some fireworks of his own inside Stamford Bridge, axing Chelsea's young Portuguese manager Andre Villas-Boas after less than a season on the job.
We here at The Other 87 are sympathetic to AVB's plight; we are your unemployed English major correspondents after all. Who wants to be jobless in this economy, especially in Europe? Fortunately for him, we've worked up a list of suggestions to consider for his next big career move.
1. Manager of Inter Milan. Why let a little thing like abject failure at Stamford Bridge stop him from becoming the next Mourinho?
2. The lead role in a London production of Jesus Christ Superstar. Roman Abramovich is already signed as Pontius Pilate.
3. Webmaster of hasrobertodimatteobeensackedye
t.com. He’s also squatting on haspepguardiolabeensackedyet. com, hasjosemourinhobeensackedagain yet.com and hassvengoranerikssonfoundajoby et.com, just in case.
4. Manager of Shunderland, Shtoke, or Shouthhampton. Or, in a move that would make our dear Wes and possibly Tom Hanks extremely happy, he fulfills his destiny and becomes manager of the Aston Villas Boas. Or maybe Villasreal.
5. Farmer. Growing crops, you can usually get results after eight months.
6. Defense contractor. Designing jet fighters, you can get twenty years to tinker before you have to give results.
8. San Francisco Giants catcher. Because they’ll need someone to crouch behind the plate once they move Buster Posey to first.
9. England manager. Think about it: He’s got youth at the back to play a high line, the kind of multi-functional midfielders to get a proper rotation between the three central spots, the same way he had at Porto, and wing options who can play as inverted or traditional wingers on either side of one of the world’s best strikers. That team is set up way better for him than Chelsea was.
10. Bruce Banner in the Avengers sequel. They replace Dr. Banner in every movie anyway, and AVB’s got plenty of background to draw from, since he too is only valuable because of the Hulk.
About "The Other 87 Minutes"
What is this new site we're exposing you too? We'll let them explain:
The Other 87 seeks to provide something that’s not instant analysis or eve of matchday previews. Think of us as the good bits of your favorite soccer coverage: the profiles that examine what makes a certain player tick, the historical background that sheds some light on how the sport has evolved to the present day, the silly features that are more than just tacking names on a list, but considering and explaining why each one deserves to be there.
O87 wants to be a home for soccer writing that makes you think, but that also treats the game as just that, a game. The greatest game, the one we obsess over and fixate on, to the point where we can’t read that gas costs 3.43 a gallon without thinking of Ajax’s 1995 Champions League winning team. But a game nonetheless.
“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players – the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards – will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players – defenders – probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” –Johann Cruyff
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