Monday, January 4, 2010

Who We're Buying a Beer For...

1) Mark Wahlberg

If there's one Hollywood superstar that needs to be converted (and we're not talking about more Scientology weirdos) more than Mr. Wahlberg it'd be hard to convince us otherwise after his comments about David Beckham and soccer in the United States.

Marky Mark joined the soccer-haters club after he had this to say:

"Man, we don't want your soccer. There's no way Americans are going to buy the idea of 90 minutes of running around without much happening. Thanks for trying guys, but we'll stick to baseball and basketball."
Wahlberg dropped this bomb while complaining about the fact that ever since Beckham moved into his Beverly Hills neighborhood the paparazzi has ruined the quiet.

Now, frankly, we don't care about the relative calmness of multi-million dollar mansion neighborhoods in California for Hollywood assholes, but we do care about bringing soccer-haters around.

Our proposal: We think that Mr. Wahlberg just hasn't gotten to know Beckham and his sport. We're charging Mr. Golden Balls to invite his neighbor to a Los Angeles Galaxy game when he gets back from Italy. We recommend putting him in one of those game suites, as we're sure anything less would be unacceptable. Load that baby up with free beer.

Our guess? Mark Wahlberg will be drunk and singing with the LA Riot Squad before games end and attending the next Beckham-hosted dinner party in the neighborhood.

2) Frankie Hejduk

With the end of the year and the end of the '00s upon us a number of soccer sites are putting together their "Best of the Decade" USMNTers. Our future FBM spokeperson is making several of these lists from across the Inter-tube-blogosphere including Major League Soccer Talk and our friend's The Shin Guardian.

All the more reason to sign our "Recruit Frankie Hejduk for Free Beer Movement Spokesperson" petition.

Hejduk again, you complaing? Honestly, we could probably figure out some way to feature Frankie Hair Cut each and every week.

Don't make us try....

3) Landon Donovan

The current and future star of American soccer is making his cross-Atlantic debut for English Premier League side Everton this week (we hope!). While the current US Soccer Player of the Year's previous trips to Europe have been less-than-productive something tells us at the FBM that the Los Angeles Galaxy midfielder will have a lot more success this time around.

The Liverpool-based club is having mixed results in the Prem league this season and some new, American blood might be just what the coach ordered. Donovan is coming off an electric year with the National Team and led his domestic side to the Major League Soccer finale, proving that he has finally arrived on the world stage.

Here's to hoping that a local Liverpool pub serves up a tasty American brew just in case he gets a bit homesick. Either way... we'll have one waiting for him when he returns from his three-month loan.

Any success that Donovan has aboard personal is only a step in the right direction for the great American version as well.

4 comments:

  1. No no no no no no no. No. I'm with you on buying a beer for someone if it'll make them give the beautiful game a chance. But I can NOT get behind wasting perfectly good brew on Marky Mark and his Funky Self. Free beer may overcome apathy and spark interest, but it won't overcome the hate of a hateful hater like him.

    After he let loose with his tired old criticism of soccer, I wouldn't let Wahlberg lick the floor under the urinals at the Home Depot Center if he were dying of thirst, let alone buy the jerk a beer.

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  2. Marky Mark represents exactly the type of people we need to buy beer for! Convert the naysayers, go and spread the good word!

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  3. Ok guys, Anonymous cannot reply to Anonymous...it looks like you're arguing with yourself. Damn Fence Sitters!!!

    I agree that wasting beer on Marky Mark is a fool's errand, but that's what the Free Beer Movement is all about starting a groundswell so that it's not such a fool's errand in a year or two.

    I also think we should be buying a beer for Freddy Adu and Eddie Johnson who have taken another step towards resurrecting their careers (or falling further into obscurity) in Greece, good luck gents.

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  4. By the way Free Beer FC is 1-0-0 after a 10+ (yes that was the official score recorded by the ref) to 1 drubbing of a bunch of high school church goers who'd never played before.

    We might be going to hell for that one.

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"Anyone who tells me soccer is boring, I'm going to punch them in the face."
- Former Dallas Burn (aka FC Dallas) coach Dave Dir

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