Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Brews and Views Essay Series: Why American Soccer?

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Today we're excited to announce a new series on the Free Beer Movement. It's called "Brews and Views" and we pose a question or topic to various prominent soccer persons and, well, they give us their view on it.

We've got loads of get people that have already responded to our call for essay submissions and each week we'll feature a unique perspective on the current topic/question at hand. Kicking it off (pun intended) we're asking our respondents the question, "Why American soccer?".

As inhabitants of the U.S. of A we've got loads of soccer viewing options and limited amount of time. We want our panel of essayists to make their case as to why the American version of the world's game is the one we should all invest in.

Regularly readers know where we stand on this issue. Buy American. It's ours. Build and shape it so it ranks as one of the premier leagues in the world.

The series will include such diverse voices as former U.S. Men's National Team player Alexi Lalas, The Shin Guardian, MatchFit USA's Jason Davis, Church of Soccer, Nutmeg Radio, FutFanatico, MLS Insider, and many more.

Interested in submitting your own answer to the question, "Why American soccer?", then send us an email with your response. Please keep your submission to under 1000 words (that's like 2.5 pages typed!) and include a picture that you feel goes well with your response. Send it to freebeermovement(at)gmail.com.

Our first contribution comes from Jeremiah Oshan. While you may not necessarily know his name, he's the editing engine behind the network of American soccer, team-specific blogs at SB Nation.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Photo Credit: Erika Schultz, The Seattle Times
There are few questions easier for me to answer than "Why American soccer?" Simply put, it's there.

Like so many people, what has always attracted me about soccer is not as simple as watching crisp passing, gorgeous goals and acrobatic saves. Soccer, more than almost any other sport, is about community.

Whether that community is in the stands, in the pubs or or even on-line, the sense that we're all in this together is palpable, especially when the team is a local one.

Admittedly, I only really fell in love with American soccer after moving to Seattle. I was in a new city, was out of school, out of work and needed some way to meet other people. After going to the local soccer pub to watch a game, I was immediately drawn to the Sounders in a way that was entirely new to me. I could feel the energy. I could feel the heartache. I could feel the life.

Eventually, I found Sounder at Heart and my love for the domestic game went to an entirely different level. I found a community that wanted to dig deeper into the game, but didn't want to skimp on the passion. We found a team that embraced our curiosity.

The gameday experience takes it all to another level. The pubs around CenturyLink Field are packed with Rave Green. The streets around the stadium are teeming with energy. The March to Match is an almost religious experience for big games.

It is, very much, a shared experience.

I do not pretend that American soccer is on as high a level as it is in Europe. I refuse to apologize for this fact. I have fallen in love with a team and formed a community with its fans. I'll take that trade-off any day.

Jeremiah Oshan lives and breathes American soccer. He is the MLS editor at SBNation/Soccer, the managing editor at Sounder at Heart and co-host of the podcast Nos Audietis. You can also follow him at @jeremiahoshan.


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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

A Belgian Beer Writer Talks About Belgian Beer For Today's... Er.... Um... Belgian Match

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The is definitely the stadium the USMNT plays in today. Wikipedia told us.
This is a guest post by Joe Stange, former soccer blogger, former so-called serious journalist, who currently writes about beer. The FBM cannot be held responsible for any of this nonsense, except for the very questionable decision to allow this post to happen in the first place. Strange currently lives in Costa Rica where still still brilliantly writes about all things beer at "Thirsty Pilgrim".

Me. Me, me, me. That's what this post is really about. Oh, ostensibly it has something to do with today's friendly between the United States and Belgium. But even the existence of that game itself is a front, a facade, a farce no doubt concocted to give me the excuse to write about me.

But enough about me, for now. Let's talk about drinking. As in, where to drink in Brussels, if you were hypothetically attending this match. Which you are not, of course, but let's pretend.

Trust him. He's published.
The game is at Roi Baudouin Stadium, which is in a northern sector of the city strategically chosen, perhaps, to be far removed from any of the really decent places to drink beer. Oh, there are a few dive bars around. Brown cafés, they call them. You will find a Stella Artois. You might even find a Duvel. But here is what the Belgian beer marketing geniuses will never tell you: Stella Artois is the Coors of Belgium. Duvel is the Colt .45. You can do better.

I have a map of all the best places to drink beer of real character in Brussels. I have this map because I trudged all over town and wrote a guidebook on the subject. (Somebody had to do it.) The book is called Around Brussels in 80 Beers, and it's really good. I know it's really good, because my wife and my mom both told me so. I trust them. Anyways, I wrote the book with a local brewer and beer historian named Yvan de Baets. And he wrote the book with me. Me, me, me. You see?

So, if you were hypothetically attending this game, which you are not, you should first make time for a healthy session in the center of the city. Most of the interesting drinking holes are there. That's where you can find the Mort Subite, a.k.a. “sudden death,” which hasn't changed much since the turn of the century. No, not the turn ofthis century. I mean the one before. There you can have a Westmalle Dubbel on draft and some plattekeis, which is the classic breakfast of flat-capped Belgian geezers, who may or may not still speak the local dialect. It's a creamy cheese that you spread over a gigantic slice of bread, livened up with some scallions and shallots. Healthy, maybe.

Or, if you want to be like the more sophisticated young bruxellois, you can head to Moeder Lambic Fontainas, which is just a few blocks walk from the Mannekin Pis. (The Mannekin Pis, by the way, is Belgium's great zwanze, or joke, on the hordes of tourists who descend on Brussels every day. The clever thing to do is sit at the Poechenellekelder café, just across from the little peeing boy, and have a Zinnebir and a chuckle while the funny foreigners snap their photos.) At the Fontainas you'll find 40 taps or so of real biére artisanale, plus plenty more bottles and some serious cheeses and whatnot. Here you will want a glass of Cantillon lambic hand-pulled from the cask, a spontaneously fermented beer that is as entertaining and sour as our chances under this funny new German coach of ours.

Speaking of Cantillon: I used to see the father-and-son brewing duo, Jean-Pierre and Jean, at soccer games in my neighborhood. When I lived in Brussels I walked about 20 minutes to watch fourth division Union St-Gilloise. During my time there they managed to climb up into the third division – oh, dare we hope? – before tumbling spectacularly back down into the fourth. They had their moments, but I've seen American high school teams play better. All of that is beside the point. They were my local club, as far as that went, and beer was cheap: Maes pils for $2 a cup. And the St-Gilles branch of Moeder Lambic was on the way home -- twice the price for beers that were ten times as good.

I also watched the Belgian national team play a few times, but I have no insider information for you. They don't have a style you can nail down as easily as the Dutch or French. They're a mish-mash. What they do have, however, is lots of good beer. Lucky Belgians.

I mean, if you were going to participate in the Free Beer Movement, can you think of a better place than Brussels, and thus a better night than tonight?

Did Dan ever tell you who invented the Free Beer Movement? (Editor's Note: Yes. I might have mentioned it once.I invented it, and the movement was invented by me. Me, me, me. OK? At the time I was writing a blog called We Call It Soccer. Maybe you can find it in the Wayback Machine. It was kind of hot shit, back in the day when there weren't nearly as many soccer blogs. (At least me, my wife and my mom liked to think so.) At the time I was working toward a master's degree and studying propaganda. I learned that one of the most effective propaganda tricks is something called cognitive dissonance. Basically, people will do things that don't necessarily mesh with their previously held beliefs. After they do them, they will re-arrange their beliefs so that their actions make sense. The trick is getting them to take those actions.

Good beer for you and your friends.
I thought: Lots of people in this country don't believe in soccer. Seeing a game live might change their minds. What's the best incentive in the history of mankind, to get them to do something they don't believe in? FREE BEER! A simple and effective idea that someone else would have invented, had it not been me. Me, me, me.
Who knows? It might even have been Dan. Or Greg Lalas.

Anyway, let's drop the pretense of you being in Brussels tonight. Instead, head to your local specialist bottle shop and pick out something strong and gorgeous: a Rochefort 10, perhaps. Let it numb your senses for the likely loss to one of the more underachieving, nondescript teams in Europe. Remember to buy extra bottles for friends. Afterward, even if you haven't turned them on to the beautiful game, at least you've turned them on to a beautiful beer.

And then remember to give proper credit to me.


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The Tuesday XI: USMNT 80s Night Edition

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Editor's Note: We continue a great new feature on the Free Beer Movement site. In collaboration with the quality soccer site, "The Other 87 Minutes" we present the "Tuesday XI" (and sometimes the "Tuesday Ten") a thoughtful list on a variety of topics in the world of soccer.

Make sure you head over to "The Other 87 M
inutes" and check out all the... well... other great writing on their site. What do you think of the "Tuesday XI"? Let us know in the comments section!



The bar where one third of The Other 87 watches the U.S. National Team play hosted 80’s (and Ladies) Night Friday while the game was going on. In honor of the soundtrack we had for the match, here’s our player ratings from the match, assigned in the form of 80’s songs.
Player: Tim Howard
Song: “White Wedding”
Operative Line: “Hey little sister who’s your Superman?”
Not even Timmy 1’s heroics could keep the U.S. score sheet unblemished. Today against Belgium will be a nice day to start again.
The "journey" might be over, Edgar.
Player: Edgar Castillo
Song: “Don’t Stop Believin’”
Operative Line: “Some will win, some will lose/Some were born to sing the blues.”
Like Journey, Edgar Castillo asks us to keep believing despite the fact that he sucks. Actually, that’s kind of unfair to Edgar. No one sucks as bad as Journey does.
Player: Carlos Bocanegra
Song: "You Can Call Me Al"
Operative Line: "A man walks down the street/He says, why am I soft in the middle now?"
The answer: Poor communication and inexperience at the center backs doomed the U.S. again, just as it did in the Gold Cup.
Player: Michael Orozco
Song: "Another One Bites the Dust"
Operative Line: "And another one's gone and another one's gone."
Add Orozco to the list of center back casualties the U.S. has had in the last year – DeMerit, Onyewu, very nearly Tim Ream (I’m sure he’ll be back, but for a while there his head seemed next on the chopping block). Orozco’s not been terrible, but his performances have at times had fans hanging on the edge of their seats, and not in a good way.
Player: Timmy Chandler
Song: “Mickey”
Operative Line: “You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand.”
U.S. fans think Timmy #2’s pretty fine, so thank goodness he didn’t break their hearts by committing to Germany.
Player: Maurice Edu
Song: “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”
Operative Line: “But you gotta let me know/Should I stay or should I go?”
Poor Edu. He finally gets 90 minutes that aren’t at centerback and now people are suggesting he take a back seat to Kyle Beckerman against Belgium. I’m a big Edu fan, and with his performances for Rangers and when he does get minutes, I can’t understand why it’s always tease tease tease with him.
Player: Jose Torres
Song: “I Want a New Drug”
Operative Line: “One that won’t make me nervous/Wonderin’ what to do”
Torres is a new type of player in the center of the midfield for the Nats (at least in the last five years, practically a lifetime in international soccer), a passer rather than a runner or destroyer. Based on Friday’s game, it’s an experiment that very well could work, and that would be one result that won’t keep fans up all night or make them feel too bad.
Get it, Landon.
Player: Landon Donovan
Song: "Eye of the Tiger”
Operative Line: “So many times it happens too fast/You change your passion for glory.”
For years, when the U.S. played, Landon had that eye of the tiger, man, that edge. Now he’s gotta get it back. See that look in their eyes, in the eyes of Dempsey and Bradley and the other guys. He’s got to get that look back. Eye of the Tiger man.
Player: Brek Shea
Song: “Superfreak”
Operative Line: Uhh, “She’s a superfreak, superfreak/she’s superfreaky, yow.”
Ignore the gender confusion and look at it this way. What we have in Shea right now is a pacy winger with good dribbling ability who’s not afraid to take people on and to draw out defenders before slipping passes through the defense. That skill set, so far, only rarely takes advantage of the fact that he’s 6’3. If he learns to harness his size, increasing his upper body strength and becoming better in the air, he could be a full dual threat, a target forward on the wing and a constant threat crashing the back post.
Player: Jozy Altidore
Song: "Here I Go Again"
Operative Line: "Here I go again on my own/going down the only road I've ever known."
This is how we imagine
Rodgers dresses anyways.
Once more, Jozy was asked to plow a lonely road as the only center forward in the side. I actually thought he was quite effective, particularly in the first thirty minutes, when he was dropping deep, receiving passes and moving the ball quickly to forward runners. The consensus seems to be he works better with a strike partner, but I still think Jozy has the tools to be a lone front man, he just lacks the practice doing it.
Player: Robbie Rogers
Song: "Beat It"
Operative Line: "You better run you better do what you can."
I've never been a fan of Rogers, but I'm willing to change my mind if he shows a consistent ability to use his speed to stretch play or beat people on the dribble out on the flank and put in good crosses into the box. If not, then he should probably just, you know, get out of here or something.

About "The Other 87 Minutes"
What is this new site we're exposing you too? We'll let them explain:
The Other 87 seeks to provide something that’s not instant analysis or eve of matchday previews. Think of us as the good bits of your favorite soccer coverage: the profiles that examine what makes a certain player tick, the historical background that sheds some light on how the sport has evolved to the present day, the silly features that are more than just tacking names on a list, but considering and explaining why each one deserves to be there.
O87 wants to be a home for soccer writing that makes you think, but that also treats the game as just that, a game. The greatest game, the one we obsess over and fixate on, to the point where we can’t read that gas costs 3.43 a gallon without thinking of Ajax’s 1995 Champions League winning team. But a game nonetheless.
“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players – the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards – will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players – defenders – probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” –Johann Cruyff

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Monday, September 5, 2011

GRAPHIC - United States of GOOD Beer

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While we're not quite there when it comes to world-class soccer there's no doubt that the suds coming from America are some of the best of the bunch.

The folks at GOOD put together a map of the United States based on their readers' responses to their favorite brewers in each of the 50 states (although Idaho doesn't have one... we just had something from there... Laughing Dog Brewery).

What are your thoughts for your state's (or other's) pick? Got something else to suggest?


Credit: http://www.good.is/


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Sunday, September 4, 2011

Photo Contest...Vote For Us! Potential Fabulous Prizes!

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You're looking for THIS photo.
We're not just connoisseurs of beer and fine American soccer here at the Free Beer Movement; we're artists too.

Over the years we've brought our camera to all corners of the globe and trained it on the beautiful game (and plenty of other things). Photography is a fun little hobby and a great window to the world around us.

Others seem to appreciate it from time to time. We've had our pictures featured on sites like "Vanity Fair" and "The Original Winger".

That second site, TOW, has been running a series for a couple years now that we're big fans of and have submitted several photos to. Called "Soccer in America" it's a collection of TOW's own photos and their readers, assembling a visual demonstration of the sport in this country. A great series.

Now "The Original Winger" is launching a contest where people will vote on some of the finest pics that people have submitted with the winner becoming a Bumpy Pitch (cousin company of TOW) inspired t-shirt and sold at Eurosport (soccer.com).

We're been honored as one of our pictures has been chosen to participate in the first edition of this contest.

Each of the five pictures in the contest are fantastic and we're not hurt if you decide to vote for another one, but maybe, just maybe you click on ours for a vote. Completely biased, but we think that our photo would make one hell of a shirt.

If we win we're going to get a bunch shirts from our friends at BP and reward our readers for their help in pushing us over the top.

So go here and vote for one (hopefully ours) and share the link with friends as well.  Thanks, as always, for your support of the Movement.

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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Soccer Marketing 101 - You Scratch My Back, I'll Scratch.... Nope

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This marketing strategy is as solid as a house of (lotto) cards.
At first we didn't even think twice about Tuesday's news that Major League Soccer reached an agreement with a lotto ticket company to potential produce scratch-off games with MLS logos on them. Chalk it up to another weird marketing synergy that someone on high thinks is going to make the league a bunch of bucks. Like team-specific Snugglies.

Dumb idea, but in the end, harmless.

Then we got home, had a beer, and thought about it some more.

No. No. And one more, just for good measure... no.

How many Celtics fans
have been made by this card?
The move isn't just dumb on the face of it; it's wildly stupid on many levels. None more obvious than we're going to bet (knowing full well the irony in this statement) that this move will create exactly ZERO new fans. And probably make the league and MDI Entertainment, LLC shockingly little money.

Why then would MLS or MDI enter into this "excellent opportunity" according to Steve Saferin, President, Properties Group and Chief Creative Officer for Scientific Games (parent company of MDI)?

The lotto wants access to two prime demographics, youngins' and Hispanics.

"MLS fans index higher than any other major professional U.S. sport in two important target demographics for lotteries: 18- to 34-year olds (136 index) and Hispanics (222 index), according to 2010 data from Scarborough Research," says the press release we initially glossed over.

So MDI paid to get in the game and MLS played ball like a credit card company selling your address to anyone under the sun. The press release didn't say what the deal was; either up front money or based on a percentage of sales, but we have to believe it was the former. Or at least we hope it was because MLS will definitely end up on the "winners" side of this deal if that's the case. The only other thing they have to give up is a few tickets to games and some merchandise and their obligations are over. For MLS it's pretty much a win-win revenue wise. You take the sponsors and partnerships when you can. It's not like the league's TV numbers are knocking people's socks off (Although the 6.3 percent increase in game attendance so far this season is crazy impressive.)

If you're a MLS fans you're already heavily invested in tickets, jerseys, scarves, stadiums dogs and (we hope) beers for newbies. Unless you're someone with an itchy lotto finger (what's the percentage of you MLS fans?) is there loads of room in your soccer fandom budget for scratch offs JUST because your local team is on the shiny, scratch-able paper?

"Portland Timbers: Scratch, Chop, and Win!". We don't see it.

MLS has put together an impressive list of corporate sponsors of the league from beer to bread, but none of them put out logo'ed merchendise for the American fan. There's no "rave green" Sounders paint at Home Depot (not anymore at least), or ticket deals from American Airlines to MLS cities for away fans, or team crest VISA cards. Even most of their marketing cross-promotions are weak: two tickets to MLS Cup from Castrol, a coupon here or there if you click on the banner ad on MLSSoccer.com, a commercial for MLS gear that's not actually available in most of their stores.

(MDI: Free cross-promo marketing idea... scratch off tickets for everyone that enters an MLS stadium one week. Each home team has their own ticket to give to incoming fans. "Toronto FC Mad Cash Dash"!?!?! Get 'em addicted and then watch them flood the convenience stores on the way home from the match.)

We've stopped and bought exactly one thing because of its association with MLS. That was a bottle of El Jimador tequila.Other that that the oil that goes in the FBMobile is not Castrol, but whatever's on special at Jiffy Lube, the airline we fly is not American Airlines, but whatever Travelocity gives us as the cheapest, most convenient flight, and we don't drink Aquafina we drink tap water. (A Movement with the word "free" in it, we're not breaking the bank in revenue.)

Does that make us bad American soccer fans? We hope not.

If you're going to have an inflatable at or
near a soccer stadium... at least combine the two.
This is a play for casuals then, right? The guy that walks in looking for a cool scratch ticket, finds the MLS one, is the next American soccer fan. That's the thinking? We hate to be the bringer of bad news, but, MDI.... that's not going to sell tickets. And MLS... that ain't making new fans.

This is beginning to sound like an idea from the bouncy-castle-at-games-marketing-department. MLS-branded lotto tickets will have less success in bringing new fans into the stadium than if one accident drove through the front doors of the place.

Oh wait. What's that in the third paragraph?

"As part of the agreement, MDI also has rights to make certain assets of the Mexican National Team available to lotteries for instant games. These assets include logos, trademarks and images of players in Mexican National Team uniforms."

That's what this whole deal was about? Getting El Tri? MLS was probably added on to the deal like a having your kid's significant other reluctantly invited to come along on the family road trip.

Why didn't you just say that and get it over with?

This is going to make you a bajillion dollars.

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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Tuesday 10: Recent National Team Call Up Edition

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In honor of Fabian Johnson’s and Joe Corona’s call-ups to the U.S. and Mexico, we present to you ten other players with ties the Americans could have exploited to get them in the red, white and blue.

Welcome aboard, son.
1. Pedro – Is probably not the same person as Pedro Rodriguez, 57, of Midland, Texas, but how is FIFA supposed to know that?

The Italian Boss?
2. Bastian Schweinsteiger – Father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate was American.

3. Wayne Bridge – If anyone should be given the right to go all Benedict Arnold on his home country, it's this guy.

4. Alessandro Del Piero – Is almost certainly actually Bruce Springsteen.

5. Cristiano Ronaldo – Two words: Anchor baby.

6. Andy Carroll – Once, after a long night on the town, accidentally pledged allegiance to the U.S. flag.

Hulk smash backline!
7. Martin Skrtel – Has secretly always wanted to be an American football player. Hopefully he won’t notice the difference.

8. Hulk – Dr. Bruce Banner was born in America and transformed by an American gamma bomb. Now his alter-ego wants to be Brazilian? I call bullshit.

9. Samir Nasri – Have you ever seen his birth certificate? Then how do you know he wasn’t born in the United States?

10. Giuseppe Rossi – Does anyone else feel that if he’d just been named Sam or Joe or David he’d have stuck with the USA? With a name like Giuseppe, it’s not really much of a choice.

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Monday, August 29, 2011

NEWS - Baby Bradley... Arrivederci Germany?

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Multiple reports in American soccer media and Italian dailies have U.S. Men's National Team midfielder Michael Bradley leaving Germany for Italy's Chievo Verona.

The Borussia Mönchengladbach man is on the outs and a move to the Serie A was exactly what new USMNT head coach Jurgen Klinsmann said was necessary for Bradley when he indicated that Bradley was left off the upcoming international friendly rosters for Costa Rica and Belgium to sort out his club situation.

The Bradley deal must be completed by Wednesday's transfer day deadline or he'll be stuck in Germany after failing to sign with last year's loan move in the English Premier League with Aston Villa.

At this point any move for Bradley Jr. is good news. He was going to rot in Deutschland and even a mid-table Italian side means (hopefully) minutes for him. Bradley's got a lot to prove with Klinsmann and players like Stu Holden nearly back to full fitness.


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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

CONCACAF Champions League Expert Commentary

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Awesome Sporting News soccer reporter Brian Straus adds some context for everyone on Major League Soccer's surgence (not re-surgence... we had to be good before... which we weren't) in the CONCACAF Champions League.



MLS teams are heading south and kicking a**, heading to Mexico and finally kicking a**, and making their mark in the region. Seems like Real Salt Lake's final run last season really inspired our MLS sides.

This. This is how you increase exposure to American soccer. Start building winners. The first Champions League winner out of MLS is going to see some big time props and a big time bump. America loves winners.

Legggo!




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Be Good To Us "MLS on NBC", We've Been Hurt Before

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Hey NBC... the FBM Graphic Department is for hire.
Well that certainly was nice of you, National Broadcasting Corporation. And unexpected we may add. We caught wind (more than a wind... perhaps gale-force the way the Inter-Net-Blogo-Sphere responded) that you showed a fancy little Major League Soccer teaser video during a pre-season throwball game on Sunday.


That's cool. Problem is we've been down this road before.

Picture this... a fancy network swoops in with a nice TV deal, some kind words about the growth of the league, and a flashy promo or two for their broadcasts. Sound familiar? Yeah... we've been here before. Twice.

Running the risk of sounding like a bad Lifetime made-for-television movie, American soccer fans have fallen in love, moved in with a network, only to be abused and keep coming back for more.

So forgive us if we're a bit hesitant when you show up at our doorstep promising that you're different from other networks that we've been with before. We're impressed with what you did with the National Hockey League and Versus (soon to be the NBC Sports Network)... a real "She's All That" job, but hockey's got Boston and Canada to help them out; a couple of markets that aren't looking too pretty for MLS right now.

All joking aside we just hope that you don't lose interest. We're really excited about this opportunity and we really do like you a lot. It's been a while since we've been treated so nicely.

You're even nice enough to give our friend U.S. Soccer a little taste as well. That's sweet of you. They've been having a rough go of late with their last network. I don't know if you heard and we don't like talking bad, but they we're kinda into little kids. Pretty embarrassing stuff.

We're fifteen going on sixteen and so we're at the age where it's time to stop fooling around. We're not looking for a fling here, but love. We don't want platitudes like a flashy graphics package or some primetime promos. That's a good start, but we want to see some commitment. Hire some nice men to keep us company during the broadcasts. Give us multiple camera angles... we've got a lot of good sides. And HD... we're not afraid of a close up.

So make good NBC. I know we're a bit inexperienced, but we're loyal. If you treat us good we'll get right back at ya.

If you screw us though..... oh man.... we'll go all "Basic Instinct" on you.


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