We stumbled across this next bit trolling the Internets looking for nothing in particular. Grammatrain is a Seattle-based grunge band who've not only written a song about their hometown side, the Sounders, but brought in members of the team's supporter's group, the Emerald City Supporters, to help fill in vocals for the track.
Beer worthy in our books.
Certainly there are great commentators of the game, Andy Grey and Martin Tyler come to mind and there are terrible commentators; we're looking at you Marcelo Balboa, but Hudson is in a category all his own. His playful use of metaphor and simile, his relentless enthusiasm (even when sometimes the game itself is mundane), and ceaseless attempts to out-do his previous remarks make an English-language broadcast on GolTV a real treat.
A few of his most memorial comments:
“You’ve got to put him in chains, put him inside a bank vault, put him on a ship, take the ship out to the ocean, sink the ship, and you know what? He’ll still get out.”
“Esoteric. That’s all I can say. There’s more flair in this team, in this club, than a nineteen-seventies high-school reunion. This is a cabaret goal, again. And he’s Liza Minnelli. Perfect placement, perfect dynamic, perfect free-kick.”
“The ball’s trapped in between Raúl’s legs. Keita doesn’t matter what ball he kicks, he’s gonna get something.”
“This referee, man, I tell you, he’s having a Marge Simpson haircut day”
“We called him the bionic man earlier. Superman, Spiderman, magic man. He’s Macedonian, I know that for sure …”
“A goal is a dream with a deadline. And this one is a wet dream.”
“Metzelder hesitates like a three-legged giraffe, here. All the dexterity of a bull elephant, the big man, here, that’s embarrassing. And that is capitalised off beautifully. Look at Metzelder, he’s all a-wobbly. And Xisco goes disco.”
And I'm not even sure what that last even means. But his best comment ever came in the form of a rail against Tom Cruise:
“And that’s why you see those beautiful tears of a man whose heart is bursting, Iker Casillas…(other announcer) ‘Tom Cruise?’ WILL YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT TENNIS PLAYERS AND STUPID HOLLYWOOD ACTORS, PHIL!! IT’S THE GLADIATORS OUT THERE MAN, NOT TENNIS PLAYERS! Tom Cruise! Prick…If he smelt a soccer jockstrap he’d faint dead away”A few years back, Brian Phillips of the brilliant soccer site, Run of Play, had this to say about Hudson:
As unhinged as he may be, as insufficient to his own ends, as imposing on his listeners, he’s still unique among soccer commentators, not merely for his distinctive approach but also in the sheer fact of being unique. The game needs more characters and crazed metaphors, not fewer, and I’ll gladly let Ray Hudson get on my nerves now and then in return for the one moment when he howls like King Lear and suddenly makes a sport I’ve watched a thousand times feel, unnervingly and hilariously, like something I’ve never seen.Fortunately or unfortunately American soccer lacks this unhinged, but often times magical voice on its broadcasts. Imagine Ray Hudson calling a Major League Soccer match on "Soccer Night in America" on ESPN. I think you'd get a whole heck of a lot of people tuning in just to see what comes out of his mouth next.
Ray Hudson, who's golden mouth has brought delight and puzzlement to many Americans... a beer for you. Imagine what he'd say then!
Any other favorite Ray Hudson quotes? Leave 'em in the comments section.