The Beautiful Game: The OTHER Reason We Watch

Editor's Note: We continue with yet another random, new series on the Free Beer Movement. Soccer fans come in all shapes, colors, and sizes and how they became fans of the sport are as diverse as they are. While most of us are engrossed in the on-field action, the tactics, the drama.... for many it is more personal, more intimate.

Introducing "The Beautiful Game" a series that focuses on the lighter side, the more attractive side of soccer. Don't worry we're not trying to become "Kickette", but, in our ever-expanding quest to cover the cultural side of the sport its hard to look past a pretty face. Our contributor Amanda will be serving up soccer's best specimens from both sexes with a wit that only she can provide.

Please leave your feedback in the comments section!


By Amanda / Senior Hottie Correspondent


I started out as a Eurosnob (and I still love Liverpool), but over the past few years, I’ve come to realize Major League Soccer is really where it’s at for me. Nothing like watching a game in person, either jumping and shouting in the supporters section or gossiping and ogling the keeper over a Black Iguana or two with other soccer-loving ladies. And as MLS has matured, one thing that’s come along with much better uniforms (remember this, Sporting KC? Or this, LA?) is former players becoming coaches. Hot coaches. In this installment of The Beautiful Game, we’re taking a look at three old-school MLS players who’ve moved to the bench permanently, and do a damn fine job of looking damn fine.

First up, Jason Kreis. MLS original, Real Salt Lake coach, and GQMF. This man can wear the hell out of a suit. Even back when RSL was a struggling expansion team and not the class of the league (CONCACAF Champions League final aside), they were top of the table when it came to a well-dressed bench. Of course, nothing’s sexier than success, but I like to think having a sharp-dressed man on the sideline helped spur RSL on to their MLS Cup-winning season in 2009 and to the Champions League final this year. If you tell me you don’t want to be the trophy in this picture, I will call you a liar. Even you LA and Colorado fans want a piece of that.

Next, we turn our attention to the Eastern Conference, and D.C. United’s head coach, Ben Olsen. Now, Olsen hasn't had quite as much time as Kreis has and definitely hasn’t had the success (but I think you should get hazard pay for taking over DCU post-Onalfo). However, he is also quite the snappy dresser, though tending a little more toward hipster sweaters and untamed scruff than Jason Kreis, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Especially not when you have an excellently developed
"Sideline Glare of Intensity" and a sweet wool coat to go along with it. And when your team has the leading scorer in MLS in Charlie Davies, who knows what the future holds? Maybe DCU will make the playoffs and we’ll all see just how luxuriant an Olsen playoff beard can get. Fingers crossed.

And finally, Houston Dynamo coach Dom Kinnear, part of the long list of "Terrifying Coaches I Love". Sure, he looks all smiley here, but dude’s been working on his death stare for decades now (when he wasn't working on his awesome curly mullet, it seems). And as much as I love him, I’d be lying if I said Kinnear was anywhere near as well-dressed as Olsen or Kreis.

Actually, he tends to favor team polos and ill-fitting pants. But when he’s not terrifying (i.e. most times except for immediately after a Dynamo loss), just look at that smile. And remember how I said nothing’s sexier than success? Yeah, about that.

Darn right, y’all.

Meet Amanda

I'm a lawyer in South Texas, a.k.a. the middle of nowhere. I drive three hours each way to attend all the Dynamo home games I can, and that's only partially because standing with Texian Army gives me a
great view of Tally Hall from behind. Hot players are a bonus, but I'd love the game even if they all looked like Carlos Tevez (the women too). You can find me on The Girls in the Cheap Seats, talking about the American game as part of a rotating cast of smart female fans. I post my own nonsense over at Needs More Kittens,and tweet more than I should here.

Support the Movement. Get the Free Beer Movement T-Shirt. Only from Objectivo.com

The Beautiful Game: The Other Reason We Watch

Editor's Note: We continue with yet another random, new series on the Free Beer Movement. Soccer fans come in all shapes, colors, and sizes and how they became fans of the sport are as diverse as they are. While most of us are engrossed in the on-field action, the tactics, the drama.... for many it is more personal, more intimate.

Introducing "The Beautiful Game" a series that focuses on the lighter side, the more attractive side of soccer. Don't worry we're not trying to become "Kickette", but, in our ever-expanding quest to cover the cultural side of the sport its hard to look past a pretty face. Our contributor Amanda will be serving up soccer's best specimens from both sexes with a wit that only she can provide.

Please leave your feedback in the comments section!


And we’re back for the second installment of The Beautiful Game! Since this column started off with a look at some old-school Men’s National Team players (deathmatch-style, but still, a look), this time we’re turning the tables and checking out the ladies. (Note: this column is written by a straight girl, but we’re equal-opportunity when it comes to aesthetic appreciation.) And again, we’re going back in time, to appreciate the World Cup-winning 1999 Women’s National Team. And don’t worry, I’m not virtually killing anyone this week.

First up, Kristine Lilly. This woman is amazing. She’s been a player on the WNT for four decades, starting at the very beginning of the program in 1987, when she was in high school, and only retiring last year. She was playing on the WNT before some of her most recent teammates (like Alex Morgan) were even born. She’s played in every Women’s World Cup so far and set the all-time caps record for any national team player - yeah, ANY national team player. Any country, regardless of gender. Kristine Lilly beats them all. And with 352 caps, I’d guess her record is gonna stand for a long time. Basically, I have a total girlcrush on Kristine Lilly, and I hope she comes back to the game in some capacity soon. Though maybe not on the field, because as much as I love her, she probably needs a break, and the WNT definitely needs some new blood.


Next, Mia Hamm. Even though she retired in 2004, I would still bet you money that if you asked an average American to name a soccer player, she’d be one of the first mentioned. She holds the all-time scoring record for a national team player - again, like Kristine Lilly, when I say “all-time,” I mean more than any other player in the recorded history of soccer. I’m trying to come up with analogies to other players and other sports, but I’m getting a little stuck, because so few players have so completely dominated their sport in the way Mia Hamm did. Maybe Michael Jordan? Oh, wait. Nike totally got there ahead of me.

Seven years after her retirement, Mia Hamm is still in a lot of ways the face of women’s soccer in America. Which is amazing, considering that she’s mostly been focusing on her charity and raising her family since then. But when you’re probably the all-time best player in your sport (and pretty darn cute as well), that’s what happens, I guess.

Finally: Brandi Chastain. Yes, this is basically just an excuse to run this picture. Not that Brandi Chastain doesn’t deserve inclusion in this post all on her own merits, but y’all, I love this picture. I wish this were the title image for this whole series. I love the expression on her face, and the muscles in her arms, and just the sheer joy that shows through everything here. This is a beautiful picture, to me, not because of the whole sports-bra issue, but because of everything that’s represented. The years of work from every woman on the field, the luck of winning a shootout, and the elation that comes when it’s your kick that did it. I wasn’t a soccer fan in 1999 when this game happened, but I watched it anyway. And it probably has something to do with why I’m a fan today. Moments like these are what keep you coming back.

Meet Amanda

I'm a lawyer in South Texas, a.k.a. the middle of nowhere. I drive three hours each way to attend all the Dynamo home games I can, and that's only partially because standing with Texian Army gives me a
great view of Tally Hall from behind. Hot players are a bonus, but I'd love the game even if they all looked like Carlos Tevez (the women too). You can find me on The Girls in the Cheap Seats, talking about the American game as part of a rotating cast of smart female fans. I post my own nonsense over at Needs More Kittens,and tweet more than I should here.


Support the Movement. Get the Free Beer Movement T-Shirt. Only from Objectivo.com

New Feature - The Beautiful Game: The Other Reason We Watch

Photo Credit Paul McLaughlin/ZooZoom Magazine

Editor's Note: Today begins yet another random, new series on the Free Beer Movement. Soccer fans come in all shapes, colors, and sizes and how they became fans of the sport are as diverse as they are. While most of us are engrossed in the on-field action, the tactics, the drama.... for many it is more personal, more intimate.


Today we begin "The Beautiful Game" a series that focuses on the lighter side, the more attractive side of soccer. Don't worry we're not trying to become "Kickette", but, in our ever-expanding quest to cover the cultural side of the sport its hard to look past a pretty face. Our contributor Amanda will be serving up soccer's best specimens from both sexes with a wit that only she can provide.


Please leave your feedback in the comments section!


By Amanda / Senior Hottie Correspondent

So, the proprietor of this fine site suggested this column - about shamelessly ogling soccer players - to me months ago. Literally, months. I have no excuses. And when I started to think about who to write about, I could never choose. There are a lot of hot dudes (and ladies!) all around American soccer these days, and being the subject of the first Beautiful Game column is a high honor, clearly. So I decided to kick it old-school and focus on three pioneers, way back from the 1994 World Cup squad. All three have moved on to careers in broadcasting and punditry, with occasional forays into coaching, firing Bob Bradley, and referring to themselves in the third person. That’s right, we’re talking about John Harkes, Eric Wynalda, and Alexi Lalas.

But we’re not just talking about them. In the spirit of this site’s recent US Soccer Celebrity Deathmatch series, we’re pitting them against each other, in the classic game of "Bang/Marry/Kill". Do I really need to explain the rules?

First up: Alexi Lalas.

Now, Mr. Lalas has a soft spot in my heart for being the first-ever guest on The Girls in The Cheap Seats. He’s not everyone’s style, though. Tall, mouthy gingers are an acquired taste - being one myself, I know how true this is. And if you’re a New York Red Bulls or L.A. Galaxy fan, I wouldn’t blame you at all for holding a bit of a grudge against His Ginger Majesty. But I think Mr. Lalas has done a lot of good work as an ESPN commentator. He’s less self-absorbed than John Harkes - seriously, can you imagine him saying “and he said to me, ‘You know, Lalasey?’” - no, you can’t, because that’s not Alexi’s style.

He’s a supporter of American Outlaws and the Free Beer Movement, and he hasn’t seduced any former teammates’ wives (or at least if he has, it’s been quiet).

Basically, I love this man and I don’t know if I can really explain why. Therefore, I would MARRY Alexi Lalas.

Next on the docket: Eric Wynalda.

Others may disagree, but I think he’s the most conventionally attractive of these three. I’ve always had a weakness for dark hair and light eyes, and questionable hairstyles in the past aside, Eric Wynalda is a good-looking guy.

But I can’t quite get on board enough to marry him for a couple of reasons: 1) if I marry Eric Wynalda, I apparently have to sleep with John Harkes, and 2) dude is kind of crazy! I’m not sure how you go from being on ESPN to getting mentioned as a possible head coach for Chivas USA to scouting director for an obscure Mexican second division team to … showing up on FSC. But he found a way. And I’m sure some of those jobs pay pretty well, but all I’m saying is Wynalda doesn’t seem like the most stable character around.

So, not quite the marrying kind. But still hot. Y’all know what I’m talking about. Do I even have to say it? If Eric Wynalda’s not the best one-night-stand ever, he’d at least be a great story the day after.

Which leaves us with John Harkes, and no other option than kill. It’s not really anything personal - there are a lot of people I find way more objectionable than John Harkes. But the game of B/M/K is a harsh one.

John Harkes is too self-tanned and too smug to imagine ever hooking up with or being married to. (And besides, y’all know he’d make you call him Harkesy in bed, and that’s just not right.) Someone has to be the loser in this round, and this time, that man is John Harkes.

Pour one out for Ian Darke having to do play-by-play with this orange “color” guy next to him.

Meet Amanda

I'm a lawyer in South Texas, a.k.a. the middle of nowhere. I drive three hours each way to attend all the Dynamo home games I can, and that's only partially because standing with Texian Army gives me a
great view of Tally Hall from behind. Hot players are a bonus, but I'd love the game even if they all looked like Carlos Tevez (the women too). You can find me on The Girls in the Cheap Seats, talking about the American game as part of a rotating cast of smart female fans. I post my own nonsense over at Needs More Kittens, and tweet more than I should here.

Support the Movement. Get the Free Beer Movement T-Shirt. Only from Objectivo.com