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There’s nothing crueler for a soccer fan than the three month summer hiatus from European football. Sure, there’s the after-work entertainment of the MLS, and yes, international fixtures provide a much needed reprieve, but we still crave the glitz of England, Spain, and Italy like a tapeworm craves steak.
My summer ritual? Pop on the headphones, put Carly Simon’s “Anticipation” on loop, and refresh my browser incessantly hoping for a mega transfer to break. If you’re wondering who to keep tabs on, this week’s Tuesday XI is a line-up of the big names likely to move in the coming weeks (and a couple who already did).
The catch? All the names are anagrams. Because we can.
Manager: “Amicable Loser” (Marcelo Bielsa) – Inspired by our attack-oriented formation, Marcelo Bielsa was a clear inclusion as coach. Can he bring Bilbao to the same glory as Chile, or will he simply be a nice guy finishing last?
Keeper: “Unremarkable Gets Ten” (Maarten Stekelenburg) – At a club where the manager once called Almunia the world’s next number one keeper, Stekelenburg should have no trouble scoring high marks.
Left Back: “Coos Shakily” (Aly Cissokho) – If the French leftback indeed replaces his outgoing compatriot at Arsenal, he’ll certainly be nervous in the new look Gunners side.
Center Back: “Lyrical Hag” (Gary Cahill) – Completing the Arsenal transfer rumor backline trifecta is another overrated English defender.
Right Back: “A Barefoot Icon” (Fabio Coentrao) – Boots on or off, he’s made splashes at Benfica and will certainly terrorize La Liga’s wings.
Left Mid: “O, Ugly Hyenas!” (Ashley Young) – There’s no sense to this anagram, but it was too poetic not to include.
Center Mid: “Generic Looker” (Nigel Reo-Coker) – He may look the part, but he’s really quite average.
Right Mid: “Clamour Kid” (Luka Modric) – He’s created a lot of buzz in England, and now it looks like he’ll stay with Spurs. Shame.
Attacking Mid: “Need Jewelry, Sis?” (Wesley Sneijder) – Sneijder’s contract is certain to grow if he moves to United, and you can be sure he’ll be sending plenty of gifts home to Holland.
Left Forward: “Evil Donkey” (Kevin Doyle) – Is this the answer to your problems, Wenger?
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| Radamel Falcao (left) and Kuzco (right) |
Striker: “Llama, or Facade?” (Radamel Falcao) – Because I can’t be the only one who thinks he looks like Kuzco from The Emperor’s New Groove.
About "The Other 87 Minutes"
What is this new site we're exposing you too? We'll let them explain:
The Other 87 seeks to provide something that’s not instant analysis or eve of matchday previews. Think of us as the good bits of your favorite soccer coverage: the profiles that examine what makes a certain player tick, the historical background that sheds some light on how the sport has evolved to the present day, the silly features that are more than just tacking names on a list, but considering and explaining why each one deserves to be there.
O87 wants to be a home for soccer writing that makes you think, but that also treats the game as just that, a game. The greatest game, the one we obsess over and fixate on, to the point where we can’t read that gas costs 3.43 a gallon without thinking of Ajax’s 1995 Champions League winning team. But a game nonetheless.
“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players – the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards – will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players – defenders – probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” –Johann Cruyff
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